This weekend was a very interesting time for me to say the least. But let's be real, my foundations have been completely shaken.
I was dealing with a certain situation among a few of my Christian friends when they had finally heard enough. I had been trying to force my will into an area where it just was not meant to be. Someone very close to me chose this moment to call me out on my lack of trust in God on the matter. Then this person proceeded (in private) to tell me how it seemed as though I never truly put things in God's hands and I was always trying to be the one in control. I was stunned!
I was stunned because it was true. You have to be basically inside my head to know this but I have had a lot of pride over my life. I didn't even realize this was pride but there is something that honesty does to you. When you finally see yourself for who you truly are and how those who love you most perceive you, it breaks you--and I was broken.
This led to me admitting things I had always known but refused to admit. The God of of creation governs everything from the path of the stars, the heat of the sun, the motion of microscopic organisms, the path of bees to pollen and the way to the water for newborn sea turtles--but I haven't trusted him to guide my next five steps. I was broken.
This has led to a total shift in my thinking and actions. I currently feel like I am in a time warp because I have gained a newfound understanding of the Gospel. I now know why those passionate preachers cry in church, and how someone could quit drugs cold. To know how many times a day I have blatantly spit in the face of the living God who gave me life; and to know that with that knowledge, he still killed his Son to save me from suffering the death of my own soul. My heart was broken.
How many of us can honestly admit that we have taken every single breath for granted, as if we deserve it? Every minute we are allowed to take another step, we owe him gratitude, and when those steps reach their last, we should still thank him for the ones be permitted. Don't wait, today could be the first day of your life.
“Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”
Until next time, I've been your friendly neighborhood Dizzy.